Persistance

I took my driver’s test today. I passed, thank god. But I learned an important lesson while I was nervously sitting in my driver’s seat.

I have never felt as anxious as I did today. I have performed literally in front of a thousand people for a theater performance, and yet this 15 minute drive had me wanting to die every second. I couldn’t talk correctly, I couldn’t think, and I had the voices inside my head filling me with doubts to the point it was suffocating.

I guess because the conditions I was in were similar to the last time I took my driving test. Cloudy, in a city I wasn’t familiar with, and right before finals. Not much sleep, a lot on your mind, and time you are bargaining that you either may or may not get your money’s worth. Last time I failed and that burdening feeling carried into my relationships and coursework. But this time, something changed.

I was looking around my car and stared at my front passenger’s seat for a second. I took a long look at it and saw my younger brother sitting there, taking a nap after a long drive. I looked at two seats and saw my cousin in the front seat, telling us about his day at work while my brother was talking about his potential job interview and how much he wants it. I saw all three seats and thought of taking everyone I love on a mini trip into San Francisco, all of us laughing from all of the fun we had.

Those ideas started to change in perspective. Seeing my backpack in the passenger seat, imagining myself driving to my university. Looking at my coworker’s expressions while we are at the drive-in movie theaters. Going to dinner late at night with my classmates. Taking my family on a trip to Thanksgiving in Vallejo.

I was reminded of what I’m seeing next. I’m reminded that this obstacle is what is keeping my dreams away from me. I know that I can do it. I know that the longing of my “dream life” is more powerful than any mild anxiety that I was feeling at the time.

Suddenly, I was filled with confidence. Obviously, I overthought everything like I usually do, but I did so with the notion that with every turn and every passing second, I am one step closer to my dream life. To fulfilling all of the promises that I made with my friends, my family, and my peers.

Today was a great reminder of one of my best traits: the power of persistence. Striving to be the best. The persistence to not give up; despite how much the hypocrite in me wants to.

I was able to fight off the voices with the imagery of success and happiness. And that’s all I ever want.

And that’s what I’ll get. I will persist. I will fight. I will win, at all costs.

-J.E.

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