Me Time Is Free Time

School ended on the 19th of December. I quit my job at McDonald’s on the 15th of December. (There, for those of you who wanted to know what I was referring to my “job” or “restaurant” I worked at, it was that.) I started up my barista job full time on the 15th of December. But when do I get my free time?

As I stated in Door, I don’t have much privacy. There isn’t a place I can be alone, with the exception of my bathroom. Actually, for the last year, I haven’t had much free time for just focusing on me. I support myself through college, because of family issues. I have been working 5 days a week between two jobs and going to school full time for the last 2 and a half years. My grades are pretty good, nearing a 3.5 GPA, but not with its sacrifices.

I don’t sleep much. Ask anyone I know and they would say that on a good day I would get 6 hours of sleep. But even with those 6 hours of sleep, it isn’t quality sleep. I constantly have my brain turned on. I’m always focusing on the next task or next need to be fulfilled. I can be working 24 hours a day and still not feel like I have completed everything I need to do. And yes, I am a procrastinator. Sometimes I feel tasks are too big and just wait for the stress to motivate me to move and get things done.

But now I finally have a chance for true Josh free time. As Persistence as an example, I got my driver’s license this month. And with my licence, I can drive the car that I bought in late October of this year. I now have my own space to call my own that no one can invade. I am now dependent on myself and can go where I want to go. I am so happy and excited.

The only thing is… where do I go?

I’ve worked so hard for me to get time to relax, as its Winter Break for my college, and I don’t know what I have planned to do. Obviously, I want to make plans to visit friends of mine. I want to meet my family and spend time with them. I want to go on the freeway and feel the breeze go through my car. But after all of that struggling, I don’t know what I want to do.

What I usually do in my free time is watch YouTube. I am really big on minimalism and minimalist living, so I watch a lot of home videos about how people get the most usage of their home with not a lot. I’m not big on owning a lot of things, despite what my room may say. I want to get rid of a lot of what I own or donate it, but I don’t want to waste my valuable free time on cleaning.

I do a lot of writing during my down time. Often when I get home from a shift or finish homework I write a lot. I don’t know, it’s weird. The same canister of energy I put towards work and school my writing for the blogs come from it too. Maybe it’s a testament to how passionate I am about it, that if I’m exhausted from writing it’s because I put all of that energy into work. I want to write for fun, in my free time, but I usually prep blog posts that are big or plan them out. I have like 30 posts on Halfway to Forever already written down, but it just comes down to the mood I’m in to write them. Expect more Intros in the future.

I listen to music constantly, so I can’t exactly do that in my free time either. I have different moods I’m feeling, so I’ll switch from my Spotify/iTunes playlist to my YouTube one. The difference between the two is that Spotify/iTunes is actual songs by bands or singers, while YouTube is anime OST’s, video game OST’s, lo-fi hip-hop, or any other meme song that plays in the back of my head. Coupled with my unlimited data due to the plan I’m on with my mom, I have access to it wherever internet connection reaches my iPhone.

I can play video games, but I keep buying more games than I have beaten. I’ve started Final Fantasy VII, but I’m like 10% into the story. I’m about halfway-60% done with Octopath Traveler. I freed three of the four Divine Beasts of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And not to mention all of the 3DS games that I haven’t beaten yet. Yikes. Just thinking of all of that makes me stressed out, and furthers the procrastination of it.

I guess what this post is telling me, after writing all of this out, is that my free time should be focused on me. I should use my free time to further myself. Clean up more around the house. Because it can definitely use my attention. It’s been calling my name for too long, and I’ve repeatedly left it on read. I can actually WRITE more. I have too many ideas that are waiting to be spoken for the world to see. And we all know that writing helps not only others, but me too. I have a whole lot of changes to make, and I plan on beginning the process soon.

-J.E.