NOTEPAD x DISCOMBOBULATION

I decided to do myself one better than a giant white board. I bought a notepad.

Well, its technically a sketch book. But I feel that it will serve the same purposes. These 80 blank sheets are going to be the medium of which my abstract ideas are going to connect to the real world, or at least it ideally will.

To be honest, I think it was a waste of money. I have tried this multiple times with other journals and notebooks that have been discarded and lost over the years. Elizabeth bought this one for me when we went to the art store near the local mall for her to get supplies for her art class. I have eyed a couple of sketch books before, as I like the aesthetically look of it, but was afraid of purchasing one.

I feel like I am not going to use it. And I know that it sounds weird, as I was just complaining about not having a way for me to visualize what I am thinking about, but it’s the truth. I feel like I won’t use it. I have to carry it around with me for me to have the best usage out of it. I have to have enough space where I’m at in order for me to use it. I have to have something to write down or draw in order for me to use it.

Maybe I’m afraid of pouring my ideas on paper. Maybe I’m afraid of the bad taste the words will have as the enter my mouth, as I recite them back to me as some sort of sick incantation. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to see my ideas. I would rather have a storm cloud that would just rage on and smite me with inspiration or an idea every once in a while.

Or because it’s physical. I have to care and attend it. I have to divide my attention to making sure that the purchase of goods was used correctly. I can imagine many practical uses for this sketch book, but I think I will use it page by page.

I once had an art teacher in the 8th grade that told me the phrase “UMSAP.” “UMSAP” means “use as much space as possible,” and that will be the way to go with this. I may label and date my ideas, maybe I won’t. But I’ll write stuff down, and only leave onto the next page after I used as much space as possible. Maybe when I make it as a success, I can inspire people to do what I did with this notepad, or sketchbook.

The fear of the unknown is a rational fear. But there are three types of people in this world: those who make stuff happen, those who let stuff happen, and those who wondered, “what happened?” I think that’s a rough translation of the phrase. I want to make stuff happen, instead of letting my discombobulation get to me. What happened is a term I always ask myself but now I’ll be able to tell the story instead of understanding the story for once.

Here goes.

-J.E.

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